Reflections
in knitting you can go back and fix things, unlike life, where you cannot go back in time, but you can in life heal, swerve, renew, restore, forgive....letting go of past to move forward, using as fuel, transforming it into new energy, aparigraha
can I express this in fiber?
also embroidery as exploration
crochet mandala, yantra
January
Seeing my true nature and what has changed and not changed over time.
Times in my life that I've reached the end of a pathway and step away like with this ATT yoga class...there was basketball, gymnastics, a PhD program, certain jobs...
but with ATT I want to preserve the joy of completion I had with ETT. This is not a failure or a quitting. It is just going past my exit on the highway. I still want to practice yoga and pranayama and read more to learn more. And connect with Rochester peeps as I can. But I do see that fundamentally I am ME! There is a limit to how much group time I want and how deeply I want to pursue certain activities. When I'm done I'm done. I like having lots of freedom and open ended time. I like groups but not too much of it.
I want to keep on the path of creativity and practice and discipline that I've gotten to in working with Francois at Open Sky.
Feb 2
I'm reflecting again on my inner nature. Sometimes it seems over the course of my 61 years that not much has changed. Time and time again patterns repeat, both helpful and not helpful. Why do I get to a certain point, a certain depth and then pull away without going further? Teams, degrees, jobs, yoga certification--it is all the same. Oh have achieved a lot, no doubt... and in all those areas. However I always reach a limit of what my mind and ego want me to do and what in the end I am able to sustain and do. So what is this limit? Is it a failure of tapas? A failure of persistence to overcome obstacles? Is it a negative? Or is it simply what it is... paths taken and pursued for a long time. But all paths come to branches and ends and detours.
Or there are decision points along the way and you may the best call at the time. Hiking in high altitudes, there is also a high peak to scale and difficult, rocky trails. There are always people hiking along the way. Some are bound for the top, some are not. We admire those who are bound at the top. As for the choice I make for myself it depends. There is weather, energy level--both physical and psychological, and there is ability level (such as rock climbing skills, snow and ice, navigation skills). In my early years I was mostly unafraid of ascending the summits. However in more recent years I have made decisions to bypass the summits, knowing that I am high enough on the high passes and trails. How much more satisfaction or witnessing of beauty could I achieve? Why is it more, more, more? Looking back at all of the years I have backpacking and hiked and all of the distances I do not find regret in choosing lower routes because I have still had marvelous, outstanding experiences. If I look at the peaks I have scaled -- Giant and others in the Adirondacks, Scafell Pike in England, Ben Nevis in Scotland, Helvellyn in England, I remember the ecstatic thrill and the wondrous beauty. Those are great memories. However, I also have a treasure trove of memories from other glorious days spent hiking at lower levels -- rainbows in Scotland, stone barns seen from on high in the Yorkshire Dales, forest trails and rocky passes in the Pyrenees, cliffside paths along the coasts in the UK looking out across bountiful seas, the Napali coast in Hawai'i, sunflower fields in France. No regrets. Still experiencing so much! So the question is when to stay on the more comfortable route and when to push oneself farther.
And so I think about svadhyaya, self knowledge. I do not like all that I see and in some ways I feel like I am admitting this in a way I have not in many years. I understand the way my inner nature and personality, for better or worse, has shaped my life and decisions over many years. Iyengar calls this a cruel and stony path. When we see through self illusion. But it leads to wisdom and then to devotion. Letting go of ego and submitting to the divine/God. (and he writes earlier of God as unknowable, not material and so not something you "believe" in,
He also writes of the self complacency one can have on the yogic path, and why it is important to keep going and not to stagnate. Growth is integral to being human. Tapas must be developed and cultivated. And it is only through this process that one can move forward.
This last chapter in Light on Life speaks to me.
can I express this in fiber?
also embroidery as exploration
crochet mandala, yantra
January
Seeing my true nature and what has changed and not changed over time.
Times in my life that I've reached the end of a pathway and step away like with this ATT yoga class...there was basketball, gymnastics, a PhD program, certain jobs...
but with ATT I want to preserve the joy of completion I had with ETT. This is not a failure or a quitting. It is just going past my exit on the highway. I still want to practice yoga and pranayama and read more to learn more. And connect with Rochester peeps as I can. But I do see that fundamentally I am ME! There is a limit to how much group time I want and how deeply I want to pursue certain activities. When I'm done I'm done. I like having lots of freedom and open ended time. I like groups but not too much of it.
I want to keep on the path of creativity and practice and discipline that I've gotten to in working with Francois at Open Sky.
Feb 2
I'm reflecting again on my inner nature. Sometimes it seems over the course of my 61 years that not much has changed. Time and time again patterns repeat, both helpful and not helpful. Why do I get to a certain point, a certain depth and then pull away without going further? Teams, degrees, jobs, yoga certification--it is all the same. Oh have achieved a lot, no doubt... and in all those areas. However I always reach a limit of what my mind and ego want me to do and what in the end I am able to sustain and do. So what is this limit? Is it a failure of tapas? A failure of persistence to overcome obstacles? Is it a negative? Or is it simply what it is... paths taken and pursued for a long time. But all paths come to branches and ends and detours.
Or there are decision points along the way and you may the best call at the time. Hiking in high altitudes, there is also a high peak to scale and difficult, rocky trails. There are always people hiking along the way. Some are bound for the top, some are not. We admire those who are bound at the top. As for the choice I make for myself it depends. There is weather, energy level--both physical and psychological, and there is ability level (such as rock climbing skills, snow and ice, navigation skills). In my early years I was mostly unafraid of ascending the summits. However in more recent years I have made decisions to bypass the summits, knowing that I am high enough on the high passes and trails. How much more satisfaction or witnessing of beauty could I achieve? Why is it more, more, more? Looking back at all of the years I have backpacking and hiked and all of the distances I do not find regret in choosing lower routes because I have still had marvelous, outstanding experiences. If I look at the peaks I have scaled -- Giant and others in the Adirondacks, Scafell Pike in England, Ben Nevis in Scotland, Helvellyn in England, I remember the ecstatic thrill and the wondrous beauty. Those are great memories. However, I also have a treasure trove of memories from other glorious days spent hiking at lower levels -- rainbows in Scotland, stone barns seen from on high in the Yorkshire Dales, forest trails and rocky passes in the Pyrenees, cliffside paths along the coasts in the UK looking out across bountiful seas, the Napali coast in Hawai'i, sunflower fields in France. No regrets. Still experiencing so much! So the question is when to stay on the more comfortable route and when to push oneself farther.
And so I think about svadhyaya, self knowledge. I do not like all that I see and in some ways I feel like I am admitting this in a way I have not in many years. I understand the way my inner nature and personality, for better or worse, has shaped my life and decisions over many years. Iyengar calls this a cruel and stony path. When we see through self illusion. But it leads to wisdom and then to devotion. Letting go of ego and submitting to the divine/God. (and he writes earlier of God as unknowable, not material and so not something you "believe" in,
He also writes of the self complacency one can have on the yogic path, and why it is important to keep going and not to stagnate. Growth is integral to being human. Tapas must be developed and cultivated. And it is only through this process that one can move forward.
This last chapter in Light on Life speaks to me.
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